I feel haunted. Ever since my earliest memories ive sensed a connection to someone or something i couldnt define. I have an obsession with the past. I grew up with stories my mother would tell about the ghosts and "haints", or hauntings, that she heard about as a child in Logan West Virginia. The figure in white holding a staff that walked out of the tunnel near the mine. The spirit of the woman on the top of the mountain who cries for her dead baby. Even as an adult she had encounters with the unexplained. She saw my uncles face looking in her window the night he died even though he lived in another state. She dreamed of my brothers deaths before they happened. My grandmother appeared to her after her death. Whatever my mother has in her spirit she passed to me. When i was little we would go "down home" to W.Va. on summer weekends. We would drive down after dad got off work on fridays and get to W.Va. after dark. As we'd travel the winding mountain roads bordered by woods i would sense the eyes of the ghosts watching us from behind the trees. I always expected to see one of them run across the road illuminated by our headlights. My mother would tell me to lay down in the backseat and go to sleep. As i get older the connection gets stronger. Maybe because theres more past to remember. Maybe because of the people ive lost. And maybe i just dislike the present so much that i seek refuge in the past. Or maybe it comes looking for me. I only know its there. I see the shadows moving around me. I feel the presence next to me. Intuition or insanity? Ghosts or guardian angels? I dont know. Somedays its a comfort and others it frightens me. If theyre ghosts i dont understand why they follow me. If theyre guardian angels i wish theyd step it up a bit. Maybe theyre both. They say restless spirits are seeking answers. Maybe they sense my spirit is restless too.
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